What the F*ck is That Noise? By: Anonymous




WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT NOISE

"What the f*ck is that noise?”

A question I asked often nowadays. It was easy to identify and became very evident that I was struggling with Schizophrenia, after 2 long days on a desolate highway. No radio or phone reception. “What the f*ck is that noise?”

 

Sometimes the muffled indistinguishable dialogue, other times a muted melodious jingle, and sometimes just odd random noises like a bicycle bell or a click or what-have-you. I would look at the radio, which was searching the dial, and would reached for my purse to see if my phone was ringing an average of once every fifteen minutes. These sounds were not new. I had experienced them on many occasions before. But living in the hustle and bustle , could easily discount them as the sounds of a something-a-rather that I just happen to miss witnessing with my eyes.  

 

You know those brief moments in time where someone drives by with their car window open and you hear their music for a parsec. People off in a private nook of a building conversing over a cigarette. The sounds were so easy to attribute to other things. But here I was in the middle of nowhere with nothing to blame those noises on. The revelation was frightening. Yet having met a number of people with Schizophrenia and having heard and sort have witnessed (as much as one can witness from the outside)  their experiences, their was a certain calm about it. “I am not going crazy, THIS IS SCHIZOPHRENIA”.

 

I know that is a funny statement. This is the “chatterbox” that I have heard of from a couple people. I understood now, how this could very disorienting. The volume for me was what I call a 5-10 on a scale of 100. But if you turned it up could confuse the heck out of someone. At least be very irritating like a neighbour who won’t turn down their music. So here after the realization, I am trying to get a grip on my history with schizophrenia. How long has it been floating around my head, like a ghost in a haunted house. The only way I can think is to look at all the potential symptoms and try to chronicle them. Looking at my symptoms is like a miner looking at ore for gold.

 

There are so many situations that have some valid potential as a symptomatic milestone reference. But there is so much extenuating circumstances around it too.  No particular situation truly meriting concern in and of itself. Actually, until the tangible hearing of fictitious noises, even the situations combined would not merit concern. But in combination with the audio hullucinations there is certainly too many possible symptomatic situations to ignore the historic trail of Schizophrenic bread crumbs to present day.

 




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