Marco Baldini's Story of Recovery from Schizophrenia




MARCO BALDINI'S STORY

I have been living with schizophrenia for the past 18 years. I first became ill when I was attending university in Vancouver when I was 22 years old. At that time I was enrolled in my second year at law school at the University of British Columbia, having already completed a Bachelor of Science degree from the University of Victoria the previous year. I was enjoying myself and taking part in many activities. Socially, I had quite a few friends and acquaintances; athletically, I was jogging five miles four times a week, I played tennis and soccer, bicycled, skied, went scuba diving, mountain climbing and hiking. During my first year at law school my grades were in the top quarter of my class and I had no problems handling the stresses of university life.

 

Within a few days in October 1976 all of this came to a crashing halt as I suddenly experienced my first psychosis. I can still remember those experiences vividly even now 18 years later. At first I thought I was coming down with the flu since the abnormal mental state I was experiencing was similar to the viral delirium of influenza but as I stayed in bed for a day my symptoms got even worse. I began to have delusions about the state of the world around me.

 

Suddenly the noises made by cars and planes going by outside my house took on secret and deliberate meanings. I became convinced that I was involved in the start of a nuclear war and the only way for me to survive was to find the answer to a difficult riddle.

 

During this first episode of psychosis I fluctuated between wild delusions of grandeur to deep depressions about my future. I thought I would become the next prime minister of Canada and rule by divine right over a new world order for our citizens. I was also visited by demonic voices. These grotesque distortions tormented me day and night until I could no longer distinguish between reality and nightmares.

 

In hindsight, one of my most dangerous delusions was probably the belief that I could fly, for if I had found a tall building, I might have easily climbed to the top and tried to jump off to test it out.

 

During the second day of my psychosis I began to wander in the streets of Vancouver following my disrupted thoughts and hoping to find the answer to all of life's problems. After a few hours I ended up in someone's backyard. I had another delusion that I had been magically transported 20 years into the future and owned a mansion I had at random found.




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