sCHIZoPHReNIa diARiES
TRUE STORIES BY REAL SCHIZOPHRENICS
Larry's Story of Cannabis Induced Schizophrenia
LARRY'S STORY
In the autumn he got a permanent job. He had moved back to his father's, but frequently came around to me for dinner.
HE saw his psychiatrist regularly and was prescribed various anti-psychotic drugs.
Larry had complained of hearing voices and had been diagnosed as suffering from schizophrenia from all the drugs he had taken.
By June last year, Larry was more active: swimming, cooking and playing the piano at home. I began to have hope. When I said he could live with me, he said he loved my house but felt there was something missing inside him.
He complained of an emotional numbness, described by psychiatrists as the "negative symptoms" of schizophrenia. He asked how he could go on for another 50 years feeling like this. On the day he died, he was due to come for lunch but he didn't turn up and we were all worried. If he was not at his father's house, where was he?
Even as I took that first call from Graham, I knew the answer. But it was not until about 20 agonising minutes later that Graham rang again: "Sue, come straight away. The police are here . . . Larry has thrown himself under a train."
I didn't ask whether our son was dead as I could not bear to be told over the telephone. Instead, after driving to the house in minutes, I ran up the path crying: "But he is all right, isn't he?" Of course, in my heart I knew he wasn 't. Later the police told us that Larry had thrown himself under a train at 11 that morning.
Like any distraught mother, I blamed myself. Whatever I had done had not been enough. All I can do is hope to prevent other vulnerable people from being harmed by drugs in the way Larry was. I only wish with all my heart that I had been able to save my own son
