James Caldwell's 2 year Diary of Getting Stabilized




JAMES CALDWELL'S STORY

Nov 12 03

2:00PM; I woke up fro the second time. I had set my alarm for my 9:30AM dose and went back to lseep. By this time (2PM), it was time to take my 2PM dose. Now I am going to get up and have a cup of coffee.

3PM; Roger and Megan just came home from school. Roger is in a good mood for once! I am very happy for him

5PM; I am feeling awake and rested. I wish every day was just like this.

 

Nov 14 03

8AM; I set my alarm for 9:30AM, but I didn't sleep because I had severe sinus pain.

10:50AM; I went to the doctor's office and found that my sinus infection was worse than I had thought. The largest problem was finding sinus medication and antibiotics that would not have adverse effects in conjunction with my Psychiatric drugs.

1PM; I returned home and slept for a few hours

6PM; Since it is Grandma's 86th Birthday there is a party, and that means alot of people. I never could stand crowds because I tend to listen to everything all at once. This causes tremendous anxiety attacks, so I took another Clonazepam.

9PM; I am starting to feel and sense surrealism. The only way I can describe it is everything is like Virtual reality; real and yet distorted.

11PM; I am hearing strange noises and voices. I told Mom and she told me to take an extra Haldol. I took the extra Haldol and hoped that it would take effect as soon as possible.

12AM; The Haldol isn't working, but I tell Mom that I am going to try to sleep.

 

Nov 15 03

7AM; My anxiety and audible hallucinations have made me lose a night's sleep. I am taking my morning dose of medicines now with a cup of coffee. Nobody is up at this time so I am going for a walk with Buddy. We walked until my symptoms subsided.

10:30AM; I am thinking clearly now, but I am still being tortured by anxiety/panic attacks, so I am taking an extra Clonazepam

12PM; I am really tired right now because of the last 24 hrs. I am going to take a nap to catch up on some sleep.

5PM; I am awakened by Buddy, who has to urinate. I took my 5PM dose of medicines and took Buddy out for a potty walk.

10PM; I talked to Mom and told her that I probably will not be waking her up in the middle of the night because I am not detached and I have a firm grip on reality. I feel confident and safe. This is a good time to go to bed.

 

Nov 16 03

8AM; I woke up, took my medicine, and went back to sleep.

12PM; I have just awakened from a long needed sleep. I feel semi-tired and am looking forward to spending time with Roger today.

 

Nov 17 03

8AM; I am awake and full of anxiety. I took my morning dose with a cup of coffee and hoped it would help.

9AM; still feeling anxiety to a great extent. I was curled in a ball and the floor. Sweat was soaking my clothes. SO I called my Psychiatrist's office and requested a call back.

1:15PM; Dr. Anders called me and I told him my problems. He suggested more Haldol (10mg) at midnight I desperately hope he is right because I cannot withstand another day like the past two weeks.

7PM; the anxiety has subsided, and I am feeling more comfortable. Grandma told me that her father had the same problem as I have now. The only difference was they did not have modern medicine in the 1920's. I cannot fathom how much he must have suffered.

 

Nov 18 03

12PM; I am awake from an incident free sleep. I feel real edgy. I think this is due to the fact that I did not take an Artane with the midnight dose of Haldol.

6PM; I am playing a Playstation game with Roger. It's good to spend time with my son when I am able.

 

Nov 19 03

5PM; I have spent the whole day in bed suffering from apathy. I just now got out of bed to face the world. Nobody knows what it's like to have apathy, except the mentally ill.

6PM; I just put in a fast-paced workout with Roger. He has been a real asset in pushing me into working out. If it were not for him I would probably lounge around and get fat.

 

Nov 20 03

7AM; I woke up with alot of anxiety, so I took my morning medicines, then I went back to sleep.

10AM; My alarm woke me up. I am feeling good, but tired at this time. I drank my usual Whey Protein shake, which has those important Branch-CHained-Amino-Acids that really help my medicines work to their peak efficacy.

12PM; I took a long steamy shower to drain my sinuses. I was still feeling tired, so I drank two cups of coffee.

5PM; I'm finally feeling awake. I am not feeling any anxiety, apathy or detachment. I feel on top of the world.

10PM; I am finally putting in a workout with Roger. (I laid down earlier and just now woke up). I feel great!




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