sCHIZoPHReNIa diARiES
TRUE STORIES BY REAL SCHIZOPHRENICS
James Caldwell's 2 year Diary of Getting Stabilized
JAMES CALDWELL'S STORY
September 28 04
1PM; My outlook for today is much brighter, since I’m going to take 30mg of Haldol instead of 25mg of Haldol. There seems to be a threshold level where 25 won’t do it and 30mg will.
5PM; I am free of any hallucinations, but I feel medicated.
7PM; I still feel medicated, but it’s better than Leprechauns and voices.
September 29 04
1PM; I’ve got the general stuffy head and dry mouth from Haldol at a high dose. These side-effects are bothersome but at least I’m not hallucinating.
9PM; My ears are ringing and I hurt all over. I have to wait until 10PM dose for these illusions to wash away.
September 30 04
4PM; I snapped a muscle in my back and went up to the office since it hurt to breathe. I took a Flexeril and it fucked me all up. Now, I must decide between mental clarity and psychical pain. The one odd thing is that physical pain doesn’t hurt like the shear anguish of anxiety, depression, or flames burning you in your mind.
October 01 04
7AM; The Flexeril tore my stomach up all night. Now, all I want to do is sleep, but I can’t. I feel the anxiety well up inside me.
9:30AM; I took my meds. I’m starting to feel a release of negative energy and a filling up of positive energy.
October 02 04
8PM; I’m a little bit “blah” today. No real motivation for anything.
October 03 04
1PM; I’m having a good day so far in spite of the general lack of sleep.
6:30PM; I’m feeling sleepy despite the coffee I just drank.
7PM; I’m seeing faces form in the air and then talking about different aspects of my life.
October 04 04
7PM; I’ve been hallucinating all day. Dad noticed the inability to maintain a single thought, and me apparently talking too much to Buddy my dog as if he was talking back.
10PM; Well there sure are a lot of hallucinations one could get. It’s the VD of the brain. All senses are overloaded to the point of nonsense.
October 05 04
3PM; I finally slept. No sign of hallucinations; visual auditory or body given. I feel well rested and secure.
October 06 04
2PM; Dad, Mom and Brian went to go to look at another house. I’m feeling a little trippy today.
5PM; Hearing multiple voices, It’s deafening.
7PM; Took 10mg Haldol. Now able to interact with others.
9PM; A little trippy that’s all. Feeling hungry for some food.
October 07 04
3PM; I’m having a good day so far today.
October 09 04
3PM; Everything besides generalized anxiety is apparently under control.
October 11 04
5PM; My arm and shoulder are full of agonizing pain. I have a generalized anxiety that is peaking now.
October 23 04
2PM; I slept as much as I could for lots of dreams means less hallucinations.
4PM; I am having a touch and go day few hallucinations and a lot of anxiety.
